Wednesday, 6 December 2023  Traumatic death There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds hard, but at the same time, it is also a great comfort. For to the extent of emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it, but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve.. even the pain… the authentic relationship. Furthermore, the more beautiful and full of remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory in silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past, not as a thorn, but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain   Deitrich Bonhoeffer Reflection I remember exactly when and where I was, when I heard that my close friend had taken his own life. It was January 1980, and I was cradling my eldest daughter in the maternity unit.  Only a few hours earlier, Ian had come to see us both, and he held her for a long time. We recalled how we sneaked into the side room so he could hear her heartbeat when she was a 20 weeks old foetus.  We drank hot chocolate and he wrote in her baby book. I was so pleased he managed to come as he had had a busy day in surgery. I had known Ian since I started my nurse training, when he was a first year medical student and I was living in the nurses homes adjacent to the Doctors’ Homes. We just clicked, and over the years, we remained friends. On that fateful day, another of our friends came and drew the curtains around my bed, her red eyes and shaky voice explaining that Ian had taken his life. I cannot recall precisely what I said or did, but I can remember my emotions and the intense feeling loss, and that has stayed with me all my life.  All I kept recalling was the last conversation I had with him, whether I missed the signs of sadness behind his masked smile, and I regretted not having my camera near me.  I often think of Ian, and others who feel the need to take their life.  Now, I give thanks for his life and how his impact has shaped my Doula and Samaritan roles 44 years after his death. Whether the person is called Ian, Jess, George or …yes Judas, a sudden or traumatic death leaves a mark within us.  In the space of 24 hours the Divine Midwife was revealed in the birth of my daughter and the death of Ian. The Divine Midwife left a mark on me…. and that mark is called Love. Prayer God in whom I live, breathe and have my being,  can you hear me through my tears and pain? Can you reach out to touch my foggy emotions? Can you feel my aching lungs struggling to breathe?    Can you truly understand my lamentations? My deepest desire is for peace for those who have: taken their life, died alone, died violently,  or died with no hope. My deepest desire is for them to finally encounter Love. Amen

Today’s writer The Rev’d Ruth Dillon is a retired URC minister, member at Glenorchy URC, Exmouth and the Quakers Community, Exmouth and an End of life Doula with End of Life UK and with Dying with Grace, affordable South Devon Doula Support

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Tuesday, 5 December 2023 Death – the connecting link to Living well This mingling of life, death and falling is not so strange that we cannot even know where we truly are, for our perceptions are so sundered from each other that we can’t tell what is real Julian of Norwich –  Revelations of Divine Love   For most people, one of the most challenging statements is that dying is part of living, for we are on the path of dying from the moment we take our first breath as an infant. Our time on earth may be short for some, and we particularly think of infants and children who die young, and for others years roll by longer, but to have life in focus, we must have death in our field of vision.   Within this vision we see life as a preparation for death, and death as a preparation for life. Death is an event in life, and is an essential part of our life process. If we are to meet our own death without fear, then we must allow the rays of life’s sunlight to touch our souls, to accept that we cannot live forever, and to make the most of each precious moment. We contribute to humanity and to the Kingdom of God through our understanding of our purpose and why we are here.   As an End-of-Life Doula, one of my roles is to help people reflect on their life, and to assist in writing an Advanced Statement. This document is acknowledging that  important milestones have happened in their life, people and events which they hold dear, and as death approaches, they may want to write letters to friends they have not seen for a long time, seek forgiveness to those they have hurt, enjoy their favourite food or do or watch activities they have enjoyed in their life.     When our ultimate ‘moving day’ arrives, are we ready?   Prayer   God who moves within the veil of life and death, allow the rays of life’s sunshine bathe my soul to enable me to fly to a place of rest.   Allow my stories to be heard to enable laughter to ring in the ears of people I love.   Allow my love and energy cascade to others to replace fear with hope.   Allow my life to be purposeful so I may embrace death,  knowing I have given my all for others. Amen

Today’s writer The Rev’d Ruth Dillon is a retired URC minister, member at Glenorchy URC, Exmouth and the Quakers Community, Exmouth and an End of life Doula with End of Life UK and with Dying with Grace, affordable South Devon Doula Support

Copyright © 2023 United Reformed Church, All rights reserved. You are receiving this email because you have subscribed to the Daily Devotions from the United Reformed Church. You can unsubscribe by clicking on the link below. Our mailing address is: United Reformed Church 86 Tavistock Place London, WC1H 9RT United Kingdom Add us to your address book Posted in Daily Devotions | Tagged daily devotions, united reformed church | Comments Off on Daily Devotion for Tuesday 5th December 2023